Classic Characters Who Are Extremely Overpowered

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Video games are most enjoyable when they walk the line between conquerable and truly challenging. But once in a while, you’ll stumble into a game which throws off that balance. Before you toss your controller in the trash and face cruel reality, take comfort in the fact that we’ve all been there. Here are a few classic video game characters who nearly break otherwise good games.

Dark Link - Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link (1987)
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Zelda II is known for being a punishing game, with labyrinthine castles and fast-moving enemies around every turn. The last few bosses will probably destroy even the best players, but none is more challenging than Dark Link, a solid black shadow programmed to mirror your own skills… just a little better than you. You need to forget everything you’ve learned and fight better than your better, darker self.


Mike Tyson - Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (1987)
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Punch-Out!! is a boxing game in which you watch for your opponents’ tells, like a shift of their feet or a glint from their turban jewel. Each opponent gets a little quicker, weirder, and more stereotypically offensive until you face The Champ, whose lightning speed and one-punch knockdowns don’t even compare to earlier fighters. Make no mistake: you will be remorselessly punched into unconsciousness by Tyson.

SuZaku - The Final Fantasy Legend (1989)
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Imagine if the second Death Star was an invisible, undefeatable bird monster that stalked you personally. SuZaku, the boss of the fourth world in Final Fantasy Legend, attacks you constantly as you traverse the world to find parts to destroy the impenetrable shield that protects him. You cannot harm him. You can only run, but you’ll only make it ten steps before SuZaku attacks you again. Invincible and invisible bird jerks are the worst kind.

Juggernaut - Spider-Man And The X-Men (1992)

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The unstoppable Juggernaut was enough to make nerds burn Stan Lee in effigy. As Wolverine, you can’t do anything but run and slash as Juggernaut destroys everything in his path, including you. The only viable strategy to defeat Juggernaut is to use perfect timing, slash him with every spare second that you aren’t running for your life, and drop conveniently-placed weights on his head. One wrong move, though, and you’re roadkill.

All Of The Turtles - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall Of The Foot Clan (1990)
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Every so often, you may experience a game in which the hero is the overpowered element. Fall of the Foot Clan is filled almost exclusively with one-hit bad guy fodder and easy bosses. No one questions how Donatello’s puny fighting stick could possibly do as much damage as Leonardo’s deadly swords, but either way, if you don’t beat this game on the first playthrough, you’re not living your life right. Go read a book, kid. There’s no hope for you.

Peter Puppy - Earthworm Jim (1994)
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Peter Puppy is an adorable, immortal dog with rage issues. As Earthworm Jim, it’s your job to escort him through his level without allowing him to fall prey to the level’s many dangers. If you fail, Peter will freak out and assault you mercilessly, and you can’t fight back. In Earthworm Jim 2, Peter returns to once again maul you to death if you fail to catch all of his puppies as he tosses them out of a building, even though they make the most delightful splat noises when you miss.

The Million Zillion Ninjas - The Tick (1994)
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Easily the worst game about the best thing ever, the first level of The Tick is so tedious that most people have never even seen the second level. Weak by themselves, the zillion ninjas come out in droves. Their sheer numbers, streaming in for over an hour, make them a force to be reckoned with. If you survive their tedious attacks, you’ve probably earned yourself some real carpal tunnel syndrome. Congrats! It wasn’t worth it.

Cherry Bomb - A Boy And His Blob: Trouble On Blobolonia (1989)
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You’re a boy living in a city of endless night, traveling the sewers and caves with your milky pet blob. After you gather enough sewer gems, you launch yourself into space so you can get involved with Blobolonia’s political issues. One of the first enemies you encounter there is the Cherry Bomb, which drifts from the sky and explodes on contact with the ground, killing everything. Even if you’re five screens away when it explodes, you’re dead. Blobolonia is not a planet worth saving. Stop growing atomic fruit bombs, guys.

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